HOW TO DEAL WITH BULLIES AND STAY WINNING
If you've ever had experience with bullies or have been a victim of bullying, I'm here to tell you that you didn't do anything wrong. It's just a bunch of losers who are so afraid and insecure that they project their fears on other people by being mean and nasty. I have always stood against every form of bullying. I can't stand it and never will. This earned me the nickname of Voltron while I was at school cos of the way I usually defended the freshers who came into the dormitory system for the first time and looked so lost. Honey, there's nothing wrong with you. You are perfect the way God created you and let the naysayers eat their hearts out.
Hello, people, it's me once again with another very telling blog post this week. If you follow me on Instagram you'd be aware of what today's topic would have been and why I decided to talk about bullying instead.
You see a few weeks ago I was told that a couple of gym members(women) decided I was too much of a smart mouth just because they discovered I could actually hold my own and began telling some of my gym friends to stop talking to me. I laughed so hard cos they had no idea of the history of who I am and how long it took me to become this wonderful woman you see here.
Well, it all started with these ladies who felt they owned the space and could dictate what happened at the gym to everyone. My very close friends know me as a very perceptive person. I feel vibes very easily. I may not be able to place what may be going on in the beginning but I'll know something's up. In this case, I knew from the get-go that these women were bullies. So, as always in all situations, mind your business and give a smile here and there if you feel like it. On this wonderful rainy day, I walk into the gym and set my stuff in the locker room. After the session and sweating and grime, I walk back into the locker room only to find my belongings on the floor. Hell no. I won't take bullshit and disrespect. Not on my watch (In Iyanla's voice)
I addressed the situation in the calmest way possible and put out a notice about such action and why it should never be repeated again whilst trying to find out who did such, as there was someone who dared reply me. No one admitted to being the person who put my stuff on the floor nor replying my notice. ( Funny isn't it?) Anyway on this fateful day, after a session, I walk into the locker room and before I could do or say anything, one of these women bullies shouts at me trying to intimidate me in French saying that it was enough, they were tired with all my investigation about who put my bag on the floor. Dear hunnies, I don't want to fill you in on the kind of things I told her. But one question I asked her repeatedly was ' Were you the one who left my stuff on the floor?'. She said, no. And then I asked why then do you think you are the one who needs to tell me when to stop my investigation since I'd asked you several times if you left my stuff on the dirty floor? It's not your place nor your business going by what you told me. I then politely asked her (emphasis on politely😁😁) to shut the hell up, mind her business and don't think you can intimidate me into keeping quiet.
Now, the next time I come to the gym, I'm met with warm greetings from people who I hadn't seen in a while at the gym. What strikes me is the warmth I felt when they spoke to me. At this point, I had no idea that the incident that happened in the locker room had already become a discussion and they had begun to tell certain people who I knew and were buddies with to stop speaking to me. They, in turn, came to say hi and asked to know exactly what happened and I told them. I wasn't expecting the level of support I got from these people. It was at that point that I understood that they were also victims of the form of bullying these ladies meted out at the gym. I'm sorry I know the post is long but we are almost done here. I'll have a Youtube video on it so you'll hear the full story on Youtube.
So how do I deal with bullies:
Always ignore them. Never let anything they do or say grab your attention in any way. They really don't like that as they feel they should be the ones in the spotlight at all times. They forget the sky is big enough for all of us to shine through.
2. Be very aware of their actions and mannerisms. Notice how they operate and the form of bullying they practice. This will give you the ability to know how to handle them and situations when it arises.
Always set boundaries about disrespectful & unsafe behaviour. Since the incident happened, my belongings have been left where I keep them, before anyone touches anything they politely ask and inform me of why they did and if I would or won't mind. The ones who thought they owned the gym have now found another spot to lick their wounds.
4. Protect your feelings from name-calling and hurtful behaviour. It's always important that when you call out bullshit, do it very calmly, no name-calling and put bullies in their place. Always do that. They'll never forget that place you put them and it will definitely take them a long time to get out of.
5. Defend yourself. It is very easy to hide behind other people to make your voice heard or to defend yourself but always know that they can't always be there forever. You have to do it sometime and learn to say 'Enough is enough'.
6. The sixth and final one is to use your voice and speak up for positive inclusion. When I started off at the gym, I never knew I was going to get a wonderful support system with my coaches, the nutritionist, a psychologist whom I met there btw and so many other people I can't mention. They had my back from the moment I walked in there for the first time. I can't even begin to tell you how and it probably helped to keep me in the positive side of things while on my weight loss journey.
Have you been a victim of bullies before? How did you deal with the situation?
What would you have done differently?
I definitely want to read your experiences on this one and let's have a discussion in the comment section
Today's outfit is layered tulle form DH Gate, nude pumps by BCBG Maxazria, my hubby's denim shirt, oversized lunettes de Soliel, jewelry by atelier de Juliet. Join me on Instagram @juliettsstyleglam let's connect.